Jenova's Family
by Labe
Summary: The Silver Hair brothers, Mother Jenova and their family's life together.Warning:Incest,Sephiroth and a minor Aeris,Angst,Anal,Self-punishment,Spank....and whatever this crazy family deserves...Reviews, please!
1. Loz the begining

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII and I don't make money with this writing.

Chapter betaed by my dear Natila! Thank you Nat-nat!

Chapter 1 - Beginning / Loz's point of view.

Sometimes I can't sleep. Not even when I take some pills. It just doesn't work for me. I don't know why. The only thing in the world that could make me sleep safely is odd and funny: the scent of Yazoo's hair. I think about it and I have to laugh , though it is true. I need to smell my brother's hair to finally sink in to a peaceful sleep.

When I was eight we moved from Wutai to Midgar .Yazoo was five and Kadaj wasnt born yet. Kadaj was born along the way, a little ahead of schedule. I was very happy when I cuddled that tiny bundle with big green eyes for the first time. I was not the first brother to embrace him, but I spent all the free time that I had with Kadaj in my arms. Sephiroth was the first to meet him. Actually, Sephiroth was the first person Kadaj look at in this world. Mother passed out during labour.

We were flying in our jet when Mother felt the pains. It was not the correct time, she had planned Kadaj's birth in Midgar's best hospital. None of her doctors were available, Mother would never let any ordinary doctor lay his hands on her and Kadaj was in a hurry to get out. So, my big brother had to help delivering baby Kadaj. I believe this is the reason why their relationship is more like father and son than brotherly. Sephiroth used to take him on his long journeys in the Shinra Army, from the moment he had started to talk. Mother didnt like it, but he did anyway I was a little envious in the beginning, but Im not anymore. Me and Yazoo bonded forever ago and even loving my brothers, Seph and Daj, equally I know that this affinity goes way beyond.

But going back to Kadajs birth. Yazoo was frightened. He was with Mother when she cried out in agony. I remember embracing him tightly and calming his fears by explaining that our mother would not die. It was just our baby brother coming out. Yazoo stared at me with those huge green eyes, already swollen with tears and he whimpered that I would not love him anymore and as much as I would love our younger brother. Maybe when Kadaj was born, Yazoo felt lonely because of the excessive attention Mother showed to the new baby. Kadaj was weak and needed special care. Sephiroth, though a guy hardly showing any emotions, was concerned for Kadaj. A different kind of affection that Yazoo had ever gotten from Seph. But anyway Sephiroth had to go back to his career. So, the tasks of taking care of the baby and helping Mother fell on me. Sephiroth, gentle as a rock, came to me and glared straight at me.

"Loz, you will be the man of the house. If something bad happens to any of them, it will be your fault. Get it?"

How couldnt I?

Yazoo`s feelings toward Kadaj were mostly his concern that he was not the baby brother anymore. Pure vanity...Surely he loved Kadaj and would do anything on earth to see him happy. Years later he told me he was not jealous of Mother or Sephiroth attention but of mine. He was scared to lose my attention. Possessive and silly! I belong to him forever, though I have to prove it to him all the time ! I understand Yazoo's insecurity. He is not a charismatic leader as Kadaj will certainly be one day, not as powerful and idolised as Sephiroth is and will forever be, not as strong and easy to deal with as I am -( I still don't know if it is a quality...) He sees himself as a fragile creature. Although he is not. He is clever like Mother and more than anyone that I have ever known, skillful in fighting and shooting, extremely sophisticated and . observant and accurate. The most beautiful face and the hottest body that I ever saw and ever knew on a person, male or female. He is gorgeous. . Although if I don`t assure him of these qualities he says that he doesn't feel loved. "I need you to notice me, flatter me, cuddle me and love me Loz. That`s all I need. I don't care for the others." My heart melts in tenderness, love and lust when I hear his soft and deep voice speaking to me like that. Yazoo is a giver. At least for me. He needs to be pleasured and needs most of all to be assured of my love. I really don't know if he needs it from Mother, Sephiroth or Kadaj. At least he doesn't show it. I know he is a little selfish. But I can't help it, I love him anyway. The kind of love that brothers shouln`t feel for each other, but I feel it and dont think it is wrong. It is pure and strong. And I show him and tell him about my love, every single day of my life, willingly and with utter bliss . I love him. My life may go through changes but my love for Yazoo is above everything, eternal and unbreakable. And I know he feels the same.

I had been dating Tifa, for almost six months when we broke up a few weeks ago. I like her, but I felt awful to have to lie and I love Yazoo. I am ashamed to admit it but my personal heaven would be to have both of them. Like a happy threesome. Yazoo would never agree to this and Tifa... She would kill me and then gossip to all Midgar that we are a really psycho family. As if anyone didnt already know it...

But I couldn't bear to see Yazoo sad. I wasnt just messing around with her, I was really dating her. Mother liked Tifa and her family. She was a constant presence at our house. It was getting serious and Yazoo was getting furious. He never made a scene or called me a cheater, but I knew he was sad and miserable and he didn't understand why I was doing this to him. Me neither. Once, during one of our countless arguments, I told him to do the same. To find someone else and try to be happy, because we were wrong and it wouldnt work. He did. He started to date a friend of us, Aeris, and she was a great girl. Mother liked her, her parents had some huge business going on with Mother and they had a lot of influence in Midgar. Good alliance, she said. I was not allowed to feel jealousy or anger. I pretended indifference and didnt say a word to Yazoo.

Yazoo didnt look for my company anymore. I didnt want to stop our encounters but everytime I tried to get closer, he would slip away from my touches like water. He would not even stay at home alone with me. But it was bearable, he was trying to live his life, I was doing the same. And also, acting like lovers instead of brothers made me feel afraid for Mother and my other brothers. Afraid of the gossips that could harm them. Sephiroth`s power and fame were increasing, our army was the best on the planet. He was the best General, of the best army, of the best company of the world. Which happened to be our company as well. Shinra Power. Jenovas Energy and Reactors owned Shinra. It is ours. I couldnt let anything destroy the image of my family. Mother always taught us where our place was : at the top, but out of spotlight. And so I broke up with Yazoo. And I almost broke my soulI moved to the Army Academy with Seph while Yazoo stayed in Midgar to finish his high school.

We had stealthy and sad moments together. His jade green eyes looked at me like sharp blades, blaming me for his pain. Our brotherly friendship had gone away and this was my fault. I retaliated stupidely. I became distant, cold and rude with my love. This was a hard time for our family. Kadaj was seeing a shrink, Sephiroth was harsh as ever and he had had some troubles related to his appetite for parties, wine, girls- not so legal- and drugs- definitly not legal. Mother spent more time at Shinra or traveling than at home. Suddenly Yazoo broke up with Aeris. That didn`t surprised me and it even pleased me. My crazy foolish mind just saw the opportunity of getting a new chance with him. It could be a way to make him understand my point of view, to get him to accept Tifa as a part of my life, not my entire life as Yazoo was , only a little part of it.

But Yazoo started to date a man. I saw them. He was a close friend of Aeris. Reno. Yazoo said they were just friends. No they were not. I felt miserable and jealous and everything a man can feel seeing his love with another person. I went mad thinking about this man touching his hair (mine !), kissing those pink fleshy lips (mines !) or the worst; this still makes me cry now ; touching his body (mine) as I had touched it and giving him the pleasure that I was not allowed to give anymore. I had nightmares of Yazoo naked in all his splendor on black silk sheets with Reno licking his body, putting Yazoo in crazy positions and thrusting hard in his ass (mine !) while my Yazoo cried out that "he had never felt so good in his life". It was awful. And the more I got parted from him, the more I had this dream, the more I felt unhappy and unable to deal with Yazoo and our fucked up situation. It was hurting me so much that not even Tifa was helping. I failed in bed with her a couple of times during this period. I kissed Tifas mouth and I saw Yazoos face. I parted her legs and I saw Yazoos legs clenching my waist, I kissed her breasts and suddenly the image of a flat chest was on my mind. Oh and dont tell me that an ass is an ass anyway, because I tried too with Tifa. And it is not! I was going insane.

I had never worried while he was seeing Aeris. I didnt feel any real feelings between them. Their relationship carried an air of purity and chastity. But with that guy...I was panicked at the idea of losing him. On the brink of madness and paranoid about Yazoo intercourses with Reno. I noticed from the corner of my eyes, every time we were together at the same place (deliberately planned from my side) the lustful gaze that Reno gave Yazoo. He stared at Yazoo with those narrowed blue eyes and more than once I saw those filthy hands squeezing Yazoos waist and back. I saw my brother blushing when this guy whispered things in his ear. Urgh! I wanted to kill Reno. I also had dreams about this. Yazoo was mine. Selfish but true. I had been the first to claim that ass, I had sucked and marked that skin, I had claimed that body as mine. He was mine. Period. He is mine. Eternal and constant period !

We argued, cursed, and wounded each other emotionally and even physically. But for God's sake Yazoo loved me and we forgave each other and sealed a pact: we would nevermore hurt each other. One do insane things when one is afraid. He is a guy, he is my brother and I need him in my life ! We talked about it and to my relief he hadnt had sex with anyone. Not even Reno. Oh... the selfish relief I felt. "I didn't do it with anyone Loz. I tried, but I couldn't. Only you own my heart, my soul and my body."

I believed him. He is stubborn like a rock but he has never lied to me. Yazoo can have many flaws but he is not a liar and he is very straight to the point when its suits him. Though,since we were kids our life had been made of fights and make up. It is funny how all this mess began :

One afternoon, Mother, Yazoo, Kadaj and I were in the garden, in a rare lazy summer moment. Kadaj was taking his first baby steps, I was helping him to walk. So cute with those chubby feet testing the grass. Yazoo was reading near us on the blanket spread in the grass, watched by Mother's wise eyes. From time to time he narrowed his green eyes and glanced at us. When Kadaj finally fell asleep in my arms I gave him to Mother's care and asked Yazoo to join me for a bike ride around the neighborhood . He answered me harshly "Now that your favourite brother is off you want to play with me. No, I don't want to. Go alone and I hope you get lost." I tried to say something but he left the garden and didnt look at me or at Mother. I followed him inside the house and we started fighting when one of my favourite toy cars happened to "fly" through the window. At the end of the day Mother forced us to apologize to each other. Yeah I really had left Yazoo out when Kadaj was a baby. After that episode, Yazoo turned cold towards me and gentle with Kadaj. Until things changed again and this time I ran to Yazoo looking for comfort.

We moved from Midgar to Nibelheim. Our company owned a factory there and Mother should manage Jenova's Energy straight at the center of the mako- reactors. There we went again for another year of life's readjustment. Except Sephiroth. He was riding his celebrity status as General at the center of Shinra's headquarters and he stayed in Midgar. But he always payed us a visit. He was already a celebrity, something that Mother didnt approve of I was thirteen, Yazoo ten and Kadaj five. The new house was great, it was much smaller than the one in Midgar but I liked it that way, we were closer, sharing the same room and objects and we became more protective of each other. We didn't know anybody in the city. We spent most of the day in the private school of the firm, with strangers that treated us with deference but no warmth because we were the president's sons. We felt lonely in that city, even Mother, we saw only in rare occasions. Most of the time she was at the labs. When Seph arrived it was like a party. Our brotherly bonds made Mother proud of us. It was the start of the sweet time of puberty . Gosh I 'm a talkative person...We slept together like snakes in a bowl since we had moved out, both Yazoo and Kadaj wrapped around me.

The most delicious fragrances in the world for me originate from that time. The bubblegums scent of Yazoos silky hair. So good. I shoved my nose in that mass of silver threads and breathed in deeply the scent. Yazoo always complained, asking me to stop because the tip of my nose was tickling his nape. His low giggles got Kadaj to join the party, tickling Yazoos belly with his small hands. Beside the playing and the innocence I was feeling my body changing, and when I was laying in bed with the back of Yazoo against my chest and belly, the pressure on my groin was inevitable. Actually Kadaj pressed me more than Yazoo, and it was not rare that I woke up with my baby brother on top of me when I was in bed. But those throbbing sensations only happened with Yazoo. I knew what it was and in addition to my own shame I also feared that Yazoo would notice it. One night it was very obvious. He rubbed his back against me and my groin woke up to life. He did it again and I felt my cock jump out underneath my flannel's pants. I almost cried out in fear.

And to calm myself down, I had to nuzzle into that bubblegums scent, and if the sensation got unbearable, I had to run to the bathroom.

Much time later, Yazoo told me with that low laughter, that he had always noticed my erection in his back, but he was ashamed to say something, so he just tried to keep some distance from me. Though sometimes, he leaned on me to feel and figure out what it was and then, he felt his own groin getting hard and an impulse to stroke it. He also told me that, when he was sure that I was deeply asleep, he would rub his groin against my thigh. He had done this countless times and I never noticed it. And he only stopped because one night he came all over his pants and got terrified that I would notice it and tell Mother. So horny my Yazoo, even as a child. We still laugh about it.

We came back to Midgar the next year and things went back to the usual routine. Each one in their own rooms dealing with their own business. I missed the closeness with my brothers and especially with Yazoo. Not just the pervert time but our friendship, and I was wishing to have it again. One saturday morning we were in Yazoo's room, waiting for Mother to go shopping or something. Yazoo was brushing his long silver hair and the wonderful scent filled my nose. I told him how I was missing us, together sleeping in the same bed and how his smell had kept my fears away at night. I confessed how lonely and sad I was feeling. Of course my eyes could not hold back the tears. This is me ... Yazoo with that graceful calmness, took a step towards me and lowered his head to my nose level. He put one of his delicate hands on my shoulder and leaned closer to me without a word. I caressed a wisp of that silk between my fingers. So good, so comfy, so beloved. Those were the first sensations and then I lowered my face on the crown of his head and slid down, very slowly to his neck. I breathed in the scent from the top of his head to the thin and delicate hair on his nape, rubbing my face like a cat against that silver cascade .

It didnt feel wrong when I touched that patch of smooth and pale flesh with my fingertips. I kissed the skin near his neckline. It felt like the right thing to do. Unconsciously, I nested one of my arms around his waist and the other gently cupped his head while I started trailing small kisses on his neck, up to his earlobe. I just felt a heat on my cheeks when Yazoo gave a long low sigh and put his hand on my shoulder, slightly pushing me back. I continued with my neck kisses and his small hand on my shoulder strained. I should have stopped but I just couldn't. I took advantage of his weak effort to restrain me and tilted his head to the side, to gain more access to his throat. I licked it in an immense need to taste his flavour, as if he was an ice cream. So good. So warm. I noticed goose bumps on that marble skin and I caressed it with my fingers. Yazoo's breath was getting shorter , his eyes were closed, he was biting his lower lip, and a bulge developed in my groin . My dizzy mind didn't think and with one hand on his neck and the other on his cheek I closed his face to mine and kissed him on the lips. The best word to describe the feeling is blissful. Yazoo didn't push me away though his eyes were partly open and glaring at me.

This was our first kiss. Closed lips pressing against each other, eyes partially opened and hearts fast pounding. When we were just about to open our mouths and do as the actors in movies, we heard Mother calling us to come down. We broke the kiss as if a wave of electric shock had hit us. Yazoo put his hand on his chest while panting, cheeks apple-red and a stunned gaze in his eyes.I was shaking from inside and I saw our faces in the mirror . Flushed and ashamed. Blissful. Again, tears rolled down from my eyes. I was actually sobbing with my arms still embracing Yazoo's waist. " Don't cry Loz". And he wiped away my tears with his long fingers.

At this time I was confused and lost, because I liked girls, I kissed them, I touched them under their skirt and I almost had had sex with one girl from my school. Almost because in the last minute she decided that she didnt want to. But I had liked to touch Yazoo in that way and I loved to be with him. In fact, after this time I just wished to be with him all day long. I couln`t imagine myself far away from him. I had some friends from school and from the academy but nothing compared to the comfort, complicity and safety that I felt with my brother. I love him. Not in the same way as I love Sephiroth or Kadaj and believe me, I love them to bits. With Yazoo I can talk about everything without fear or restraints. Including about Mother. He knows me deeply, sometimes better than myself, and he never has judged me a crybaby or a burly ass even when he says with that soft voice "don't cry Loz".

We kissed again that same afternoon. This time with our tongues curling inside our mouths. I felt his body with my hands and he let me touch his neck, arms, those long legs and that smooth back. He cried softly before falling asleep. The next night we didn't stop touching, pinching , caressing and kissing each other. Though we still wore our pyjamas. This was the first time that I said I love you. Yazoo said the same to me and he also said that he was afraid. The following days we slept alone in our own rooms. I understood the seriousness of our situation and didnt push Yazoo. But a few nights later, Yazoo came to my room. We got naked under the covers. We kissed and I pulled Yazoo on top of me and stripped him off of his pyjama's pants. We kept the shirts on. Then he leaned forwards and we stayed in that position, cocks coiling, twitching and touching each other, until we came together. I didnt stop kissing him that night. In the morning, his lips were swollen and bruised. Thus, we began to make up the most amazing excuses for every bruise, scratch, hickeys that covered our bodies.

I explored with pleasure and bliss every little inch of his body and I let him do the same with me. One of his favorite games was to rub himself against my body and he loved hard nibbles on his thighs, ass and nipples. He still loves it. Something that I love is putting him on all four and bite and suck that small round ass. I have to do a big effort not to come just at the sight of Yazoo's pleasure, his half parted mouth, his hair disheveled and spread on the bed and his eyes squeezed shut. Oh and those throaty sounds. The sounds he makes when I rim his rosy entrance are purely delicious. And the way he sucks my dick and balls swallowing from the tip to the base and how he greedily drinks my seed. Oh God. I will go straight to hell for this. I love to watch my brother licking my come. Even Tifa didn't like to do that, but my Yazoo loves it and he never waste a drop of it. But this was a slow discovery for us. Sometimes it was very hard not to make any noise when we were curled like a shell, licking, sucking, and kissing each other in the heat of our lust. Although our hot caresses always ended with both of us coming hard, we had not had had sex properly at that time. It would happen years later. Well if by sex, only penetration counted. Yazoo was scared of the pain, and of stretching the limits of our brotherly chains to something with no return. What a nonsense...Well now Yazoo is in peace with our love but it was not always like this.


	2. Yazoo My love

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII and I don't make any money with this writing.

A/N: Not betaed, but I tried to turn it out more readable. Beta's help would be lovely welcome!

Chapter 2

How could I resist him? So handsome, so strong, so self-assured. By other hand I'm so unsecure about myself.

The truth is: I don't want to resist him. When he smiles, he has the power to brighten my day. I wake up happy just because I know he will be there, waiting for me. And if he would not , when he would come back home , my name will be the first that he will call for, I'm the one he will look for whenever he comes home.

That morning was not different from the others.

I went downstairs, wearing only my silk robe, loose and revealing there was nothing underneath it. Only my skin, my lust and my love. Since we were children, Loz had been waken up earlier than me. He was sitting in the kitchen's table, reading the news and when he heard my steps, he tilted his head and smiled at me in that seductive way. He stood up and came closer, whispering on my earlobe while he was embracing my waist, already : " Princess...You had good dreams?"

I came closer and touched his nose with the tip of mine, and I whispered back that I wouldn't know if I was still dreaming and he would need to help me to find it out. I gently kissed him, rubbing my warm tongue on those gorgeous fleshy lips, my heart pounding, afraid if someone would appear at the kitchen. I have to say, I developed a very acute hearing during these years with Loz. He is a manly man, who is living to and for the moment. Totally as rough and virile as the guys usually are. He wouldn't be satisfied just with a gently kiss. Or tender words. Never. And I love his maleness. I love everything on Loz, indeed. By this time, his hands was skipping under my robe, my thighs, my belly...reaching for my hard crotch.

"Oh princess...so early and you are still so horny..."

That was his comment. I said something stupid just to mock him a little bit, like if he wanted me to do breakfast for him. Surely I was not even caring for this, because I knew that our hunger were for another thing. I rubbed my ass on his nether parts, feeling the hard bulge growing up on Loz's pajamas. Usually, if we were alone at home, I would give him a blow job under the table. He tastes so good. But the natural course of our mornings were not like this…

It did not take longer and Loz pinned me in the wall of the kitchen's pantry, clinged my legs tightly to his hips and with a passionate kiss, he began his dance inside me. Oh God! I can feel so much love, flooding inside and around us during these moments. I don't care if I will go to hell, heaven or wherever the sinners like us would go after their deaths.

Our mornings were always like that. Not even our family could stop us, so we were back from our honey moon. Better saying, Loz's sixteenth birthday trip, that Mother had given to him. We were addicted to each other. We still are of course, but those days were amazing. We couldn't stop for nothing! Only a glance at Loz and I would be moaning his name. Only a small bump from me on his body and Loz would be hard.

Think about that turns me on. A lot. His face while he is ready to come, his parted mouth, his ragged breath, his grunts and moans. Loz is a talkative lover. He likes to tell me dirty words, and I love to answer him. He loves when I'm moaning, whispering his name and telling how much I love him, how much I need to feel his cock deeply buried into my ass. Sometimes he doesn't need to touch me. I could come only listening to his voice, demanding me to do it, with the hard grip of his warm hands on my ass. His eyes. Oh God, I'm crazy for those eyes. The iridescent shades of green when he is in near rupture are beautiful. Colors that no one had ever seen, eyes only staring at me, reassuring our love. "Only you princess, only you do this for me. Only you make me feel like that."

Loz said for me, that those amazing colors were elicited only by me. I believe on him.

I managed to hide bottles of lube at strategic places for us: kitchen's pantry, office, laundry, house garden, our bathrooms, and rooms, even at Sephy's office. He is not at home all the time… Someday if I would promote a hunt for the lubes, I would be surprise with how many bottles would be found out around the mansion. I won't deny that I'm a slut for him. I don't really know how are the sluts. I had never slept with anyone besides Loz. And also I don't want. I don't need. I only need him by my side. I' m never enough tired, enough sore or enough satisfied. I'm always needing more of him. More of his kisses, more of his caresses, more of his mouth. More of his big member inside me. Tough, slick, merciless of my pain although totally devoted to give me the highest feelings of pleasure and love. Yes. Love. It never was just lust. He, actually, makes me crave for his touch, but it isn't just this. I love him so deeply. I love him...I don't have words to say how fiercely is my love for Loz.

But we don't have only hard and quickie sex all the time. We have beautiful moments together too. Full of tenderness and long hours of affection and cuddling. It is just a little bit more difficult. We have to pay attention in the house's schedule or to travel together to the farm. Even there we need to be careful. A few months ago we were in the boathouse and Kadaj almost surprised us there. I don't know if Kadaj had suspected of something, he didn't speak about and neither us. I love Kadaj very much, but I love Loz more. I can't loose him. I just can't.

I would die if Loz would rejected me again, as he did in the past. Or if he would fall in love for another person. Or rather, if he would thought properly with the reason part of his mind and find out, that we are completely insane. There is no safe-heaven for us. Nothing. Though I want to believe that we could be happy together. What could I say at our defense? How could I stop the despair of love him? I can't. These bonds of brotherly love never could be broken. Mother always says this to us. Though, I know we are sharing more than brotherly bonds, we are sharing our bodies as an extension of our love.

What Mother would say if I tell her about my love? What my big brother would think about me? And my beloved little brother? I'm sure Kadaj will loathe me. My heart hurts so badly when I think about of all these questions. I spend a big part of my time quiet and mute, with these thoughts on my mind, trying to figure out a way to solve it. I wonder if I tell the truth for everyone it would be so bad. After all and besides all, this is love. I would be proving my Mother's theory: brotherly love never, ever could be broken.

Now, when I'm here thinking about all this madness, he is lying down beside me. He is sleeping like an angel. So beautiful, so in peace. His chest is breathing deeper and slowly. His pale skin, so perfect. The smooth colors of his beard around the perfect square jaw. The eyebrows, the long dark eyelashes. I always felt warm just looking at him.

I'm so happy with him and by him. Loz bought his first loft. It's big and clean with a pleasant view at the mountains and bathed by sunlight. He said he bought it for us. I'm the first person who came here. He didn't talk about it or had showed the place for anyone before me. Even for the poor Tifa.

Yes. The sweet Tifa... I'm not jealous about her, because I know after years reading books of psychoterapy, inside of my very damaged mind, that we are not supposed to be together. And Loz needs a family or a future life with someone who really cares for him . Not that anyone will love him more than I am. And not that I would let him leave me. This is insane, I know…

But Tifa is past now. He told me that he couldn't stayed lying for Tifa. It was a lie for him too. They broken up their relationship again, weeks before he had purchased the loft. He told me this morning before a very special request. He proposed me to live with him. And I said yes. I couldn't resist him. I don't think it is a suspicious attitude. I would be moving out to live with my elder brother. I'm not intending to tell people that I will live with my brother-lover, so everything will be in peace for us. I guess...

One month later, we were at his, no, our loft and mother payed us a visit to knew the place. I was almost going mad with the situation, but I behaved myself and left them alone in the living room, while I went to the kitchen. I needed to cool down and decided to prepare us some snacks.

But I'm curious and apprehensive and I tried to hear their dialogue, behind the kitchen's door.

"Oh my son...I'm very proud of you."

Jenova was pacing around the apartment. Her high heels was tinkling the white tiles while she was elegantly moving her body. The long silver hair, cascading around her shoulders and making a contrast with her black satin blouse. Her voice always serene and smooth, but her green eyes sharp and clever. I sighed when I was staring at her, hidden in my spot behind the kitchen's door. How beautiful my mother is. I envy her sometimes, her cold and controlled manner to deal with everything around her. It was as if nothing could possible touch her. Sometimes, I guess that not even us...

She took the tip of her long pearl necklace and toyed with the counts between her dainty fingers. She rested her hand in one of the chairs's back rest, and as soon Loz saw her intent, he reverently pulled the chair out for her and then sat in front of her mother. She smiled to him. Loz was her most kindly son. He was a sweet boy since he had born, was what mother always told us.

" Thanks Mother...Did you really like it? It's not so far from you and it was one of the things that made me sealed the buy."

" It's a beautiful place. A god business. So...Yazoo seems very excited with the move."

" It isn't great Mother? He is doing the furniture, decoration and all the things a house needs."

" Yes, it is my love. I saw many objects inside the rooms. It looks like a warehouse with so many books and your gym stuff. Tell me my love, will you share the same room with your brother, Loz?"

" Mother! No...The loft has four rooms. We don't need to share. It's a little bit messy for now, but Yazoo will take care of it."

"I'm sure he will. And Tifa?"

" She didn't know, yet..." Loz lowered his eyes. He didn't tell his Mother about the end of their relationship. He was so happy, so engaged in the move out with Yazoo. His thoughts were turned to their first night sleeping together, making love inside their house, with no one to disturb, with no fears to be catch by the others. The lustful mental picture about what he could do with his brother inside their house caused his cheek to blush in shame, because he was in front of his mother. He turned his head away and crossed his leg to stop the forming arousal under his pants.

"Maybe because you broke up with her ?" Jenova wondered why she was so powerful and accurate at dealing with business as she does every single day, but when it was concerned to her sons she simply lost her hands.

"Yes...I would tell you at another time. I didn't love her as I thought as I did." Loz mentally prayed for the subject die.

" I see. Well if my beloved son is ok, I'm happy.

"Oh Mother and I'm happy. Very happy. What about the open house? Yazoo doesn't want a party, only a familiar dinner."

" As you wish my son."

They changed the subject and started to talk about business. Well. I don't see any problem with this. I'm happy, Loz is happy. Mother too since the Shinra's fusion was well done with Jenova's Energy. Sephiroth is busy being the great General and Kadaj, is following my brother's steps.

Loz and me? Well Mother didn't say much. She helped us with the furniture and decor for the loft. During our last shopping for the new house, I saw her glancing, from time to time at me and Loz. Especially, when Loz made his pick to purchase the biggest bed on the furniture store. One bed. With Mother watching. Loz is definitely not so careful. Then, he took a pillow and squeeze it, testing the softness and hardness of the fabric looking at me with that typical malicious smirk on his face.

Mother need not speak, so I know what she's thinking... We have a tacit agreement with our glances at each other. One day before I moved out, she saw me crying in my room. I felt so unbelievable blessed with my future life and oddly sad in other hand that I was crying. A very rare attitude, which caught her attention. I was a little scared when she entered my room and sat on the edge of the bed, beside me. She caressed my hair and stared at me. No words. She smiled. She knew it. Though, she didn't judge me or punish me. She understood my love for Loz. She just said one phrase and I always will remember that.

"You are brothers, don't break these bonds no matter what happen". I tried to reply her words but I just cried on her lap and she snuggled me. Surely, I will never forget this.


	3. A problem between brothers

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Square Enix and I don't make any money with this writing.

Chapter 3

Sephiroth crossed the large yard wich divided his private lodge from the other officials. His head was aching. Much more than a hangover caused by his 'busy' night life, this was caused by the need to deal with Kadaj. The point was: Kadaj was involved in an ideological suspicion of disorder in the army. He was attached to a rebel cadet who had the balls to promote meetings confronting the goals of Shinra Army about the base in the city of Nibelhein.

A cadet! How in the name of Gaia, a boy, merely out of his diapers, went inside his army, insufflated revolutionary ideas in his cadets under his nose!? And the worse, dragged his brother, his innocent baby brother into this! A brother he loved as a son. Of couse, a behavior like that would be punished by Sephiroth with great amusement. First he thought about confinement in prison, followed by a properly punishment, but then, Sephiroth thought better and banishment would be the best thing. Better nip it in the root.

He doesn't want Cloud Strife in HIS Army, let alone inside HIS brother's life.

Sephiroth joined his fingers on his forehead and sighed, before open the large wooden door. When he entered in the room, he saw his baby brother, standing close to the window, looking at outside without focusing at anything. Kadaj turned his head to look at his big brother, his eyes were blurred, his body was leaned in the glass as if he was too tired to stand up.

" Did you want to see me Kadaj?"

" Are you so mad with me that you are calling me by my first name?" Kadaj said in a hoarse and weak voice. He shifted his position and sat in the chair in front of the General. He was stiffened.

" Not with you. Do you know how official my decision are and you also know that I had to clean your image with the council."

" I read the note…thank you."

" Don't. It's a shame a Jenova in the middle of a military inquiry."

Kadaj lowered his head and foght against the need to cry. He had made his big brother upset and disappointed with him. Sephiroth sat in the couch in front of his brother, his eyes were glimmering with the possibility of an insurgence from Kadaj. If that blond bastard had twisted his brother's mind against him, Sephiroth would kill him with bare hands.

" I have only a question, nissan. Can I make it?" Sephiroth waved to Kadaj continue.

" Cloud made attempts to show his idea about what he thinks over Nibelhein's case. This is his hometown. His family and friends live there and they will be affected by Shinra's invasion and the consequent habitation of their lands. I'm aware about what Shinra would pay back for them."

Kadaj paused and took a deep breath to continue his point, while scrutinizingly green eyes stared at him.

"And I can assure you that the amounts paid to each of them are overestimated, given the site conditions. We are not killing and conquering, Kadaj. Shinra Energy purchased the land."

Kadaj squirmed in his chair and nodded at Sephiroth. He wondered where his brother was intending to go with this discussion and prayed that again, this wouldn't turned into a desvalorization of himself as a person. Kadaj was tired of Sephiroth and Mother all time saying that people only got close of him because he was a Jenova. Even if they were right, Kadaj wanted to believe that he was liked by himself, not by his family's name.

More than ever, he wanted Cloud Strife truly loving him.

" I agree nissan. But if our family was in this same position, would you not tried to fight? To make something to give them hope? Even if it was tell people your dissatisfaction with the agreement? Brother, Cloud's dream was to be a soldier. He could learn how to behave, how to understand the stablishment of the politics envolving the rules of our world. A banishment of the army means a life with few expectations about career…it will a mark for life."

Sephiroth watched carefully how Kadaj chose the words to defend his first love. Sephiroth, was like that in the past, but now as a man settled by the horrors of life he was doing what he judged as right. He was protecting his family, his business. He stood up from the couch, with elegant movements and walked towards the wooden shelter, full of books. In the lower part, it had a drawer with a security code to open it. Sephiroth dialed a code and the drawer instantly opened. He took a file from there and handed to Kadaj, who frowned because of the blue plastic cover. That meant it were confidential files.

"Read these papers and then call me. Go to home Daj. Just to clarify one point, part of Nibelhein lands, belongs to Jenova's Reactors now. Does your friend has this information?"

Kadaj stared at Sephiroth with suspicious eyes. In the bottom of his heart he knew his brother was just protecting him, but in other hand Kadaj wanted so much another chance for Cloud. With Cloud.

" I will brother, but please think about my words. Cloud is not that bad. I'm sure he didn't had the idea that his meetings would cause at all of this problems. Cloud told me that you would probably banish him and he asked me to stay by your side. Because above all things, you are my brother."

" Please read those files Kadaj. I won't tell you nothing and I will let you find your own conclusions. And if your friend said this, at least he is not as stupid as I was thinking."

After he had said that, Sephiroth walked towards his baby brother and kissed the top of his head. Kadaj closed his eyes and in an instinctive motion, he tugged a lock of the long silver hair of his nissan and caressed it on his face. The boy winced with the kiss and then he rose from his chair, opened the door and walked away without looking at his brother.

After a week, when the deliberation regarding Cloud Strife's banishment should be done, Sephiroth received a note with the Presidencial's seal. The rage of the general was so intense that his punch on his table made the wooden cracked. A note, written by the presidencial's councelor, Mr Gainsbourgh. His request for banishment was politely 'exchanged' to suspension. Cloud G. Strife would be suspended from the military services for a month. And Sephiroth had never thought the 'G.' was related to the house of the nobles cetrans…

Cloud Gainsborough Strife definitly was a rebel, but not an underplate farmer. And Sephiroth would do his best to keep Kadaj away from this boy.


	4. Kadaj

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII or Square Enix and I don't make any money with this writing.

Author's note: super thanks to greatufo- your help means a lot to me!

Chapter 4 - Kadaj

The first time that I entered in the Shinra Army, I shoud had less than two years old and I would be probably in my big brother's arms. These memories makes me feel save, comfortable and warm. Those sensations were always accompanyed by Sephy's presence in my life. I remember how I was happy when I saw him coming home, since I was a baby. I love him. He is really my idol. I would do anything for all my brothers, but I feel that I'm alive because of Sephiroth. In part it was true, because hadn't he helped Mother in the labour, I would be dead by now. She told me that I was born purple and Sephiroth had to blow air on my mouth for my lungs started to work. I love Mother too with all my heart, but she is so distant…Always working, planning to conquer the country, the world, the universe if she could do it one day…

So the closest family that I had had was my brothers. I do love Loz and Yazoo…but they had being together in a way that I always felt myself as a intruder. With Sephy was different. I'm a part of him and he is all the parts for me. I want to be like him, I want him to be proud of me. That is why I followed Sephy's steps and now, I'm training to be a Soldier. One day I will be a General, as powerful and loved as he is. I will honor him at each day of my carreer. But now…I don't know if I would be able to let him proud of me…

I'm being evil for him…Oh, God…

When I think that I'm disobeying him I want to cut my pulses. But I'm not as weak as Yazoo, or perhaps not as courageous as he was. He said it was an accident, but I'm sure that a knife doesn't 'falls' in one's arms.

We don't speak about this at home. In fact Mother forbid us to talk about the incident with Yazoo, or with anyone else. I only spoke with Sephy, of course that I don't have secrets with my nissan. Well, now I have…and it makes me feel very sad. But it's not because I stopped to love or trust on Sephy, no, it's because I know he will be hurt and disappointed with me. He made me promise him that I never would see Cloud again. He had given me proves that Cloud was an oportunist, a rebel with a low cause to stop the progress, someone against the development of the country, an oppositionist of Shinra Energy and Jenova Reactor's. Because all of this, his only reason to be my friend would be to spy me to have politicians advantages or blackmailings purposes. In the beginning I obeyed my nissan as I always did. I didn't question, I didn't think about. I avoided Cloud's callings, his visits, his tearful pleadings to talk with me. Not even when he was in life's danger, risking himself to get inside of the army's fields only to see me, I didn't falter.

I read those ten pages of the files about the life of Cloud Strife and his family, very known as politicians oponents of President Shinra. Well, the family of my best friend, Aeris Gainsbourgh, which even Mother loved to be in contact, are oponents of the actual president and I never heard nobody at this damned town says a word against them… That was because they are cetrans, the original owners of this land? Because of their royal lineage? Stupidity of people…always worried with the last important things.

Although, after I had read the files I was furious with Cloud, my mind had easily bought the idea of a conspiration against my family. I thought that Sephy was right and I was naively wrong again, trying to find love where only had interest. Yes, I already was totally in love by Cloud. But when Cloud came to me, grabbing me and against my will, to thank me because he was only suspended and not banished from army...Cloud really thought that I was his savior...I told him that I didn't know nothing about and that maybe my brother had changed his mind...but I like to imagine that I made something good for the man that I love. We are in separated classes, but next year we would have our own logde. Sure that we barely talk with another inside the army. If Sephy dream of that I'm with Cloud...Oh God..Cloud things that I should tell the truth, but...I'm so scared.

I hide this from my brother. He doesn't know that I'm gay…I don't have any idea about how he would react…It sounds to me as I would be failing, would be disappointing Sephy, again…

It's funny because I actually should have this feelings concerned to my Mother, not by my oldest brother! Yazoo and Loz …I don't dare to say, I'm ashamed till now with what I guessed that I saw in the farm. God…If Mother knows…and moreover to find that I'm gay. Poor Mother, the only son who had worth for her is Sephy. I'm a failure.

Why Am I in a shrink session? Because I need to not feel guilty with the love that I feel for Cloud and the love that I feel for Sephy. My shrink said to me that I need to solve these antagonic thoughts about value myself and only then I would be able to stop lie to Sephy and then take my relationship on with Cloud. At least for my family.

Cloud…I catch myself smiling when I think about him…Aeris said that my face got flushed and my eyes shine when I speak about him. We met six months ago, when the Soldier's training began. When everyone got into the class I was already sitting in the first desk, eyes devoted at the overture speech which would be done by nissan. Thus, the boy who sat by my side whispered on my ears.

" He is impressive, I guess I never had seen someone so big, so powerful and so scary…"

I felt proud, of course, and my only answer was "I agree."

He smiled at me and those deep blue eyes caught me unguarded. I guess I fell in love by Cloud on that day. We politely exchanged our names and he got startled.

" Wow. God…at least my words were compliments or I would be out of army by now…nice to meet you, Kadaj Jenova."

" Kadaj. We have four Jenovas here. Loz is finishing his graduation. Yazoo in the science graduation and he is well known as The Gun Man."

"And you? What is your skill besides genealogy with power?"

I stiffened, totally surprised with his words. I didn't answer back. Cloud apologized himself with a blushed and ashamed face at me. Tsk! He was bold since the first time we met…Though, his bold previous contact gave place to polite nods and body's contacts only when it was required on spare's classes. But soon, he became one of the most popular cadets in the classes. Not because he was a party guy, but because of his strong political's convictions.

One day, I summoned all my courage and went to a meeting that Cloud had made for some students. He was political, passionate and patriotic. He spoke like a leader for those cadets about the real situation of his hometown, about Midgar, about the planet resources. When he saw me in the last bench, I was drinking his words and my eyes couldn't stop to lock at his figure. He was so beautiful…My heart ached and I didn't know why. Perhaps because of the new ideas, perhaps because I felt betraying Sephy, perhaps because I was not trusting on my feelings…

In the finish of his speech, after the cadets went out of the room, he came to me. He was a little aback at see me there and his first word was harsh. I calmed him down, explaining that I was there just to learn other points of view. Not to rat him to our superiors. Nissan found out this without my help. The Soldiers informed him about the suspicious of subversive meetings at the training room. I said to Cloud that I was interested to learn more and we extended the meetings to long walks around the army fields at our free time.

Friendship had came for us and the coincidental fact that he was cousin of my best friend, was the proof I needed to know that if Cloud really wanted to be a revolutionary he would not need to join the army. I was so stupid… I exclaimed an 'oh so you are not a farmer boy?' and Cloud understood my question and answered with sarcasm that he was a farmer boy, but not a stupid, underbreed, poor one…

In a very cold night we were standing guard in a training on Midel. Cloud suggested to stay close because of the cold wind. I refused because the idea of two men too close were not something that I thought right. Today, I see that I was afraid of myself, about what I would want to do if I stay so close to Cloud. I don't know exactly what happened, I slept snuggled on his arms and when I opened my eyes I saw him petting my face.

" The first time that I saw you I was sorry for my behavior. You frightned me. More than the General. When I saw you at the meeting, again I got scared, I thought that you was there to spy. Then, you make me feel attached to you. Are you planning something bad for me? Don't do this Kadaj...I'm feeling lost...I'm feeling close to you and I want to be with you all the time."

He kissed me. All the statement of my feelings regarding that sassy, brave and beautiful blond boy stucked on my heart. Nobody, better saying, a man, had called me beautiful before. No one had dared to get so close and kiss my lips. I never had succumbed to such involvement with anyone. I was in love. I was in love a long time ago by a man. I kissed him back eagerly. The soft lips, the warm and wet tongue dancing inside my mouth…His callused hands, because of his excessive trainings without gloves, were cupping my face, exploring my shoulders and arms. We were panting in the arms of another, and when the time to be replaced by other guards came, we ran to our tent. I had heard about intercourses at the army. A lot of men, no woman, long times together…I was a virgin and I was scared. And Sephy and Mother's words inside of my mind, shouting that it could be an ambush made me cease all the caresses.

I told him my fears between tears and Cloud soothed me with a tenderness that I never had received before. We make up all night, till we were too tired and we slept cuddled together.

Our first time was at Aeris's house. Cloud's cousin. Geez…We weren't expecting what happened there but it was so intense…It was soon after Cloud had came back from the suspension's punishment.

Sephy, suspecting that I was lieing about be at Aeris's house drived me there with a distrusted glare at me. He dropped me and minutes later, he came back to check me. Cloud was already there. But Aeris is a great friend and I actually don't know till now, how she managed to stop Sephy to outburst into her room and find Cloud in there. She was brave, but after her performance, my poor friend shook like a chinese bamboo against the wind.

Cloud and I were scared to death when we heard Sephy's voice outside of the room. Her mother was having a tea party and when the ladies in the room saw my big brother, of course they make a damned fuss. Aeris has a pretty big closet and sure, it was the first place that Cloud had thought to hide himself, but obviously I didn't agree because it would be the first place that Sephy would look at. Thus, Cloud hid himself in the side of Aeris's bed. That way, Cloud would be able to escape through below the bed, and the space was pretty small and close to the window to be reach by Sephy. When Sephy got inside the room, I was expecting a river of rage upon me, but he was calm. He paced around the room and I was strategically seated on the bed, near Cloud. Any movement with my foot and Cloud would have to give way and stick himself under the bed.

I feigned a surprised face and asked him what he was doing there. He didn't lie to me. He had a intuition that I was with Cloud. He sat on the couch and glared at me waiting for my answer. Aeris again saved me with a nonsense talk about girly secrets, I was so aback because he was there with no mention that he would leave so soon. Inadvertently, I bumped my foot in Cloud and he was to move under the bed when I stopped him. But my foot, leapt on his groin. I had to high cough to cover his moan. What a time for Cloud get a hard on!

After some minutes with a very unpleasant silence, finally Sephy stood up and said again to me that he would pick me up in two hours. Aeris politely asked if I couldn't sleep there. He politely answered no. I didn't blink, but I stood up and gave him a hug. Gosh…I felt miserable because I was lieing to him. He kissed the top of my head, but his eyes showed me a cloud of doubts.

Minutes later Cloud went out of his hiding and hugged me tight.

We kissed and he was clearly with a hard on. I sensed the volume when he pulled me closer to his body, I moaned when I felt the hard bulge rubbing in my groin.

" Danger turns you on Cloud? How kinky…"

" No, you turn me on Kadaj. I see what you are doing to stay with me and I don't have words to say how much I want you…"

I didn't think for one second that Sephy could still be inside the house, or that Aeris could appear.

Cloud took my hand and we locked themselves at the library. He knew very well the Gainsborough's mansion and its secret's passages. As soon we were save, Cloud began to kiss me and I saw our clothes slowly stripping off of our bodies.

He is so beatiful, I blush when I think about the creamy skin, the perfect muscles, his hands over my body, his warm lips kissing all of me. The lust overwhelmed us.

He landed me soflty at the leather couch, I smirked because it was the place that I often saw Mr Gainsborough working. But when Cloud trailed wet kisses on my inner tights and his finger entered inside me, I cried out. He never had done it with me before and the hot painfuly sensation, mixed with something that threatened to explode inside me was amazing…

" We don't have much time, but I want so much this to be special…I love you Kadaj."

" I love you Cloud."

After the best kiss of my life, Cloud pulled me on four on the couch. I felt a dull pain and then the feeling that I would be ripped in two. Cloud's strong hands held me on place, and if he hadn't I would fell. I wasn't looking at mine or Cloud's nether parts. I wanted that and I knew what we were doing, but I didn't want to think about or try to understand. I wanted Cloud and I was having Cloud. He proved me a lot how much he loved me and I had to do the same. He muffled my whimpers with his mouth, kissing me, stroking my soft member; I was hard but the pain made it vanished away. Cloud's words that it would lessened soon, was futile and I was sorry to had let him done this to me, till he reached for a place that turned on all the pain in pure white bliss. An eletric jolt of pleasure ran through my spine till my toes and I cried out.

I trusted on Cloud after this. He wasn't lieing to me when he said that it was good and magic.

He thrusted into that special place again and again my body convulsed in lust. I was boiling from inside. I felt my body clenching, grabbing his member inside my ass if my life was depending on that. I felt Cloud whispering how much he loved me, and how much I was...hot. God, I'm blushing to think about this...It's so weird someone saying this to me...Cloud said that I need to get naked in front a mirror and see me. He said that he will do it because I should know how beautiful I'm...He's so sweet, my Cloud.

I forgot completely about my family, my tests, my goals. Everything was blurred and I was lost inside a bubble of comfort, warmness and pleasure on Cloud's arms. I was lost in his kisses, in his strokes on my member, on his hands sliding over my sweaty back and hips. Cloud intensified the pace and I spurted my seeds over the leather couch. I sensed when Cloud had came too when a hot and thick liquid was loaded inside of me. Only this time I opened my eyes and then I saw over my shoulder, his face ecstatic. When I looked between my legs, I saw blood and semen flowing incessantly and it took the magic away because Cloud hurried to the bathroom to take a cloth and help me to clean myself. I was in pain, I was feeling my body crash. Thank's god all the rooms inside that house had a bathroom.

Sephy arrived on time two hours later to pick me up and we went straight to home. He idly spoke about his spare training with Zack and Angeal and I tried hard to pay attention at his words, because my mind was far away, thinking about Cloud and in our time together.

I entered at home limping, my body aching and with a silly smile on my face. I was on heaven and I guess that Yazoo noticed it. He came after me on my room with that enigmatic look at his eyes.

" Are you in love?"

" Why?"

" I guess you are."

I chuckled and he kissed my cheeks. He said " good" and went out of my room.

After this day, every time I have I try to spend with Cloud. Aeris is our fairy, always helping us to see each other at her house or at small escapes to the farm. I didn't tell to none of my brothers about Cloud, I can't risk to have them telling Sephy before of me. I will do it, I just don't know when and how.


	5. Honeymoon

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7 or Square Enix and I don't make any money with this writing.

Chapter 5 - Our honeymoon.

Our honeymoon...This is how I called the seventeen birthday's travel that Loz gained from Mother. Forty days through Europe to learn the language and culture. Poor Mother... without know she was the oficial sponsor of our incest...Well not entirely, but what I had believed that would sealed it. And what I had tried hard to avoid...Maybe she already knew it by this time. Mrs. Jenova is far too wise and observer to not notice something like this under her pretty nose. But I didn't feel it was wrong! And I don't feel it yet. Everything good that we had made for each other was together. Mother left us alone to deal with our problems. She never was at home or at our side when we needed her. So...We have to comfort each other. Comfort and love. And I love Loz and he loves me.

Our first time. It was so beautiful and poetic. We were on Paris. I will always love this city while I live just because of Loz. I was so nervous and frightened. I read books, science articles and magazines about what we would do there and chose our vacation's courses. I mapped places to visit, to shop, to dinner and launch. Humpf! Bullshit. The only thought in my mind it was the time that I would stay with Loz. Only us together and alone. Yes...I was hard working on the subject...have sex with Loz.

I was thirteen when I had my first kiss with Loz. I had kissed girls and boys before. Yes, I have been curious about sex since that I can remember, but nothing compared to Loz. The warmth, the connection, the need. Whole. I felt wholehearted at the first time in my life when he kissed me. After this, day in day out we just couldn't resist the urge to have hands on each other. Not just the hands...We learned at books, magazines and some porn movies a lot of naughty plays, but I couldn't help to realize the act itself. So I was not "totally virgin" and on my fifteen's I knew every little spot of Loz's body. Every inch of skin, muscles and bones I had tasted with my hands, my mouth and my body. Though not sex properly. Not penetration.

Our first tentative, fingertips on a glory afternoon in my room left my ass sore and I got scared to go far. Though I also got scared to think about Loz doing this with another person or worst, leaving me. Yes I was a very shaky person concerning Loz's true affection by this time. I'm not anymore. He gave me proofs enough of his love during all those years together. The truth was I didn't want to have sex. The fear was not just about physical pain.

I used to believe with vehemence while we were just "playing" with another, it wouldn't be something really wrong or bad. But if we had had sex our bonds would be crossed forever from brothers to lovers. And I was right. Though I'm not sorry. Loz is the best thing of my life. He is my life. So the day of our trip came. He was so happy. Not even cried during the farewell at the airport or when we arrived at a foreign country.

It was our fifteenth day traveling and we were on Paris. Mother really spent a money with us. The hotel room was amazing even for us, children used with luxury places. Our room was an apartment with a living and two connected bedrooms with private bathroom with bath tubes in each one. Loz got a blue room and I a yellow one. Everything was high classy and golden and stayed alone though the body guard and the guide joined a room aside of us.

We were weary, sweaty and covered with dusty from our sight seeing around the 's face was so innocent when he asked me to take a shower in that huge bathtub. After wash hair and body and play in that luxury bathroom we just stayed quiet inside the hot water full of bubble bath. Loz was leaned in the bathtub wall and I was leaned between his thighs. He started to pet my hair and gently kissed my neck. He carresed the side of my arms and slid those hands forward to my belly, drawing small circles with his finger tips. He knew how to get me in the mood...I tilted my head and kissed him. I felt his cock getting hard against my back, and I felt my own groin throbbing. I felt my hands caressing that strong and beauty body and with a pounded heart I knew it. That would be the night which our bounds would be crossed.

I didn't move from my spot but I lift just a little bit to rubb my ass against his so hard cock. I want him. Inside me.

" Yazoo...Are you sure?" He questioned me panting with lust and that parted mouth, surely expecting a negative answer.

" I want you Loz. I'm ready." I looked at his eyes, and after a low moan, Loz hold me closer to him.

"No. Not here princess. I want it to be perfect."

And I wanted the whole pleasure of belong to Loz. We shared a passionate but gentle kiss before he pulled out the bathtub. I felt safe on those arms. He carried me out of the bath in a bridal style.

Minutes later I was on the bed covered with the hotel's expensive bath oil with Loz stroking all over my erogenous spots. We kissed each other with a fierce that I didn't know we had. And his tongue around my skin, sucking and licking the bites that he made on my hips and nipples. Loz was so... I don't know how to describe...hunger and fidget at the same time. All my body was slippery with the bath oil and Loz had spent all the tubes available at both room to prevent any injurie for me. I was on my belly. Loz tugged me my legs to get me closer to him and I was so eager to make a show for him that I rolled out of the bed and fell down at the carpet. I laughed and Loz cried out a " Oh My God", hands at the head.

We laught today when we remember that scene. Loz was as nervous as I was. He was afraid to strecht me with his fingers as our previous time, to hurt me with his huge cock, to hurt me at any possible way. But I had assured him. I was so happy, I didn't care if I was going to hell or not. That was heaven. And it still was.

After Loz had calm down we started it again. I did. I gave him tongue kisses and hard bites at his nipples. I sucked his huge cock and teased him to no end. I knew he would be horny after a slow blow job; he loves a curly tongue on the tip, and my body so needy to be his. Loz awakened the wanton beast inside him. He spread my legs wide open and leaned between them. Our breath was short and heavy when I felt Loz's cock forcing my entrance. He was more than careful with me but the pain was helpless. Even well lubricated as I was, it hurt a lot. I felt like I was being torn in the middle when he sank all of his cock inside me. But at the same time the sensation of being filled by Loz was amazing. He had tears on his eyes when I looked at his beauty face.

Soon I felt better and we were able to start our dance. Oh good I shiver myself just to think about Loz's eyes and the rithym of his body in and out of mine. Perfectly tight, slick and hot. Loz shifted the position, handful at my buttocks and the change hit that spot inside me and I cried out with the pleasure. I 'd never imagined how good sex could be.

Surely, we came faster than we were expecting, but there was no problem. The next "days" we faked a flu and stayed at bed all the time. We bagged the classes and sights and we only went out of the room to dinner. Sometimes. I love french room service...Even healing materia they brought to me because I couldn't walk, my ass burned like fire. Though I couldn't stop to have Loz all over the bed, the carpet, the bathtube. We did in doggy style, butterfly, side by side, face to face, on top, even a stupid Kama Sutra book bought by Loz, sure. Stupid book cause I almost twisted my ankle. We changed too and I took Loz. Good but I rather like have Loz inside me and he didn't like it very much too.

One day the maiden was doing the room and she brought a basket full with body lotion. She was very polite and asked me if I would like to change it to massage oil. Sure! That's why I will love Paris forever...

Since very young I like the blended of pain and pleasure. I always ask " harder Loz" or " hurt me Loz ". Sometimes I not even need to ask. Loz knows when I need this kind of "attention".

Maybe it makes me feels less sinner and Loz less debauched. Pain, punishment and relief.

Unfortunately it became a habit and some years ago, before our honeymoon, I injured myself very dangerously. I stopped with this now. Loz made me promised him to do this just with him and thus now, only Loz are allowed to hurt me.

And only at our love games. But this another history and I will tell it later.


	6. Mother Jenova

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy and I don't make any money with this writing.

Chapter 6 - Mother Jenova

How I hate the flashes of these stupid paparazzis! I need to hide myself from them. No matter how many body guards I have! If I was needing advertising for my company, I will need to pay them for it, but for gossips these snakes are always glued on my steps. One of the reporters asked me, no, begged me, almost crying, to strike a pose with all family together. If he knew what a hell is put all of them together he never would ask me this...At least my family are very good at sustain appearances.

Following the reporter's suggestion, we stopped at the mansion entrance behind the gorgeous iron's family emblem and done it. Smiles, hands on shoulders, a beauty portrait of one of the most prestigious families of the country. I couldn't help the laugh inside my mind. How fake we have to be for the eyes of the beholders!

My elder son, my bright sepharim, Sephiroth…He is beloved by people, they don't know his despotism and other very questionable tastes. My younger son, my baby Kadaj is into a very stressed time with himself. He wanted to be like his nissan, but he other person and I believe he didn't find it yet. And the two others share more than brotherly love. Yes. A hard task expects for me to link my family as a real one. I know, all of this is my fault. I should had stayed more time at home, I should had shared their growth with a parent. But I never wanted a husband. They know they are tube babies, except Sephiroth, they know that Hojo was their donor.

Hojo…he was the first human who gave me hand when I came to this planet. He was kind, polite, a real gentleman all these long years. I'm wearing a necklace, he had given me especially for this occasion, a rare turquoise with shades of green.

He said that he needed to purchase it for me when he saw the shades of colors. He said it remembered my eyes. He is sweet…He is a great companion and is no secret to my children or for society's gossip that we are together for years. My power helps to shut off the mouth of the people who said that I was his mistress since he was married with Lucrecia Crescent. As if nobody knew that Mrs Crescent had bought half part of Wutai for his lover, Vincent Valentine. The man made so much money that he actually owns the security label as known as The Turks. Lucrecia should had payed more attention at her man and not let him alone with a young, needy and ambitious woman. In this time, as soon she had died I found myself pregnant of Sephiroth. He was made with love, with passion. But as always I was alone to raise a child. Hojo helped me and he took the paternity of , he is the father. Thus, our bonds was enchained forever and when I wanted more kids, he provided me the necessary.

But I never wanted a man dictating my life and ruling my power. My power. Perhaps that was the oedipian problem of my sons. I'm the problem…Oh God…I do love them so much. I can't deal with them as a human mother because I love them so much and I know all of my failures with so much clarity that I can't help but only say yes for their demands. I want them happy and in the end I will win as I always do.

The party was a small part of the conquer campain for the Shinra's and Jenova's fusion. Soon my boys and I will be the owners of the most powerful energy company of the planet. Another hard work but unfortunately, easier than deal with my family. Besides my alien hunger for power, I love my children more than anything and all that I do, I do for them.

" Mrs Jenova, please one shot with Dr Hojo!" " Are you two planning to get married?" " Sephiroth, Miss Crimson said she is your fiancé, do you confirm?" " How Shinra Energy and Jenova's Reactors will deal with the oposition of Nibelhein against the reactors there?"

I love when the turks are around. I never need to answer nothing. They are a barrier against the people. Although I thought this night would be finished in other way. I wished my boys with me, around the fireplace, talking about the party gossips, drinking hot chocolate or tea.

Well, Loz and Yazoo vanished, to a party they said. Humpf. I can't fight against this now. At least they're happy and Yazoo is healthy, finally he had stopped to play with knives on himself. It's not common at this planet, but my race used to marry with their own blood to breed their genealogy. Perhaps Yazoo and Loz had inherited this principle stronger than my other sons.

My baby Kadaj, stayed with me at home and after our tea time, we went to bed. I know he's a little sensitive sometimes, but he's my cute baby. I also know he was dating Aeris's cousin, a relationship that Sephiroth doesn't like adn doesn't know. The boy is a rebel, but he is also Kadaj's first love. Well...I knew he would be gay...it doesn't bother me as long he is happy.

A peaceful night? Oh no! I woke up with Tseng on the phone, to inform me that Sephiroth had a car crash near to a night club. He was fine. The problem was about a damn photographer that had seen the accident. Just a few photos that I supposed guessed it shouldn't be so bad. Sephy is used with flashes. I have to stop to be condescending with Sephy. I know, he feels like a god because I everybody treat him like one. I had spoiled him. But, he's my boy and I'm a Mother that...feel myself guilty for my absence sometimes... The turks solved the problem with the the film, the paparazzi and these photos won't go to the magazines. I'm really naïve concerned to my kid's adventures, or rather saying to Sephy's ones. I saw the pics. Sephy was drunk and wearing only his trousers, with his best friends; Angeal, Genesis, Zack and the barely legal Rufus Shinra, equally drunks and surrounded by prostitutes. The photographer was inside the night club and their "ginger" caught the man's attention , whom naturally started to take shots their private party. Shit! Ronald Shinra would come down on me with this…

God save the turks...


	7. Injuring myself

Disclaimer: I don't own Final fantasy and I don't make any money with this writing.

Chapter 7 - Injuring Myself

I feel better when I…hurt myself. I like the sensation of the pain washing out my thoughts. During some minutes I can be forgiven for anything bad that I have done.

It started after my first kiss with Loz. I felt myself so dirty and bad that I didn't noticed when the scissors was cutting more than my day, at my toilet I had grabbed the scissors with so much strength across my hand that it cut the I saw the blood stream like a rivulet was falling in the white sink I realized that I was wounded but at the same time I was so relaxed...The guilt had gone and the sight of my blood somehow made me felt alive and pure. I don't know where the pure fits. Kadaj, who was passing through my room, saw the bleeding hand and shouted. Then Mother and Sephiroth came in to dress the wound. Family alert. I could cut with a knife the heavy air of suspicion that surrounded Mother, Loz and Sephiroth. So, I took more care with my…relief habit.

On therapy I learned that I was punishing myself because of my happiness with Loz. Months later I was still kissing, stroking, and discovering every inch of Loz and he was doing the same with me . Higher the pleasure I felt with Loz more I injured myself. Legs, inner thighs, hands, foot. I chose discreet places on my body, but the place that I most liked to cut was my arms. I guessed it was poetic. The blood dripping out, the contrast of white skin with the deep red. The thin line of the scars. Sometimes Loz noticed it and so we fought. He begged me to stop. But I couldn't help myself. It was automatically. Pleasure followed by pain. I needed to feel it on my skin and surely that I would never cut or yank my hair.

One day I lost the control about my self-punishments. We had traveled to the country region of Midgar with Sephiroth to pay a visit to the Shinra's Army lodge. Nice place. Some hours alone with Loz which meant nice play. We almost did everything on that night, but I scared myself and we didn't finish it. Again. Loz never pushed me to do something that I wouldn't felt comfortable. On that night, it wasn't different, he stopped his efforts to thrust himself inside me, as I was whining and complaining with pain and fear, and he went to the bathroom. It was not the pain of the process, it never was indeed. It was about the change of bonds. I could heard Loz jerking off and crying at the same time. I got mad with this. I felt anger, jealous, fear to loose him, the usual sort of depressive feelings that I was used to have within this situation. I waited for him get out, lie down by my side, kiss me gentle on the lips and warn me to not fall asleep on the same bed.

It was almost morning, I could see through the window the sun rays. When my inside pain became unbearable I ran for the bathroom and frantically searched for my scissor's nail and my penknife. With relief I craved the scissor on my right wrist. I squeezed my eyes against the pain and the freedom sensation was completed when I cut the skin of my forearm with the penknife. I was so eager to feel my white pain's relief, and I didn't notice that I'd had cut an arterial vein. Although, I and my brothers heal very fast this cut was very deep. Shit! That was my first thought after I noticed that I was in danger.

There was blood spurting out through my forearm to the floor, the tiles and the mirror. My bare legs, chest, my hair and hands were tinted of red. I didn't shout for Loz's help. I was focused at a very good explanation to Sephiroth and Loz. I tried to clean my mess but I was loosing blood. I only remember of Loz's face and Sephiroth's grunt when he carried me to the hospital's lodge. "What a fuck! Mother didn't listen to me and now this! Stop fucking crying Loz and help your brother!" It were Sephiroth's words that I caught, before I went in my obliviousness. My family got very worried about me. I didn't blame them. It was disturbing for my Mother and brothers to think about suicide and once that I had clarified it wasn't, they got more disturbed still about my self-hurt tendencies. Several weeks interned at a clinic with thousands of shrink sessions later my cure was provided by the reason of my self-punishment: Loz.

I was lying onto my bed, recovering myself after a particularly hard session with my doctor and Loz came in with that beautiful and mischevous smile on his face.

"How do you are feeling today?"

" Better now that you are here."

"Good. We have to solve some issues..."

"Loz... I 'm still weak and..."

"Hush Princess..." He sank at the edge of the bed by my side, pushed me to middle of the bed and stared at me with lustful eyes. He took my hand and my wounded forearm and gently pouted a kiss. He stroked my chin and my hair and whispered how much he loved me. I warmed with his words.

"Do you love me Yazoo?"

"Yes of course."

"So, would you do something for me?"

"Anything Loz." His eyes were changing colors and his face became grave. My heart pumped fast with fear to loose him.

" I love you Yazoo. I'm yours. Heart, body and soul. Are you mine Yazoo?"

" Forever Loz." Despites of my fear if someone enter in the room, Loz gave me a passionate kiss. Although his voice tone was more frightening than seductive.

" If you are mine Yazoo, your heart belongs to me isn't right?"

"Yes." I was melting embraced by his strong arms and my senses were slowly invaded by Loz, whispering on my earlobe. His hot breathing elicited goosebumps over my skin.

"As I said, my heart, soul and body belongs to you. Does your soul and body belong to me Yazoo?" Every time he was speaking my name with that soft voice, purring on my ear, my groin twitched and I felt my body shuddering. Loz was licking and sucking my neck and I love this.

"Oh yes Loz...I'm all yours."

" So... What it means Princess, that you are not allowed to hurt yourself. Only I can do this. When I decide to do it. It isn't right?"

I didn't answer because I was a little confused about what he had said, and Loz moved his hands. One gripped my forearm and the other my hips. I had started to worry myself and tried to make him move because if someone would enter in my room now, it would be hard to explain why my brother are squeezing my crotch and spreading my legs so apart. As more out of words I was, more Loz squeezed my cock against my pants. I was totally hard on and felt my flesh was throbbing and aching locked inside the tight trousers.

"Yazooooo... I 'm waiting your answer...should I have to repeat it?

Another hard squeeze and a slap on my balls. I moaned louder and he bit my lips with a hungry kiss. Another hard slap. I answered a faint "yes" while he was abusing my cock and balls. The pleasure and pain was so good that my vision was blurred. The feeling was almost the same that I felt when I cut myself, but better.

" Yes what?" He gripped the tip of my covered cock and was squeezing non stop.

"I won't hurt myself any more."

"And who is going to do this from now?"

"You do. You do..."

"Good. Very good. Now, you take a rest and don't go to the bathroom. I don't want ok? You are not allowed to come now."

"But..."

"Don't Yazoo." He slapped my cock hard twice and I almost came on my pants.

" Whom does belong this body my love?" He was licking my earlobe, preparing it for a sharp teeth which made me cried out and I answered back to him a " you do" at a weak voice. He said " Good" again and kissed me with his lips tainted with a thin stream of my blood.

Since this day I stopped to cut myself and Loz always seems to know when I 'm needing a 'spank relief '. It's insane but works for me.


	8. Aeris

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII and I don't make money with this writings.

A/N: Sephiroth and a minor Aeris, but with no smut here- dont like, don't read!

Chapter 9- Aeris

I came home early on that afternoon. It was a hot summer day, I was tired, angry with the stupidity of the cadets, with Mother's calls always requesting something impossible to do for her; like 'send a troop to find a supposed source of mako in Icicle Land, my bright seraphim'… President Shinra who is demanding more military headquarters around the planet, the reporters rooting around my private life, two top class whores known as top class models who are claiming to be my fiancé…just another day in my life…

It was a blessing coming back to a quite house. While I walked to my office, I heard noises from behind the libray door. Kadaj. And she. I recognized her voice, even that I had met her only once. Finding them at home, cheered up. Finding them at home, cheered me up. One because Kadaj was in home and second, because she was there too. I didn't know why I was supposed to be cheerful with this.

"Why are you wearing this dress? It's hot in here."

"I didn't had other…"

"What? Cmon Aeris…You have tons of clothes!"

"I didn't want to come here with uh…short clothes…I don't feel well."

"Why? My brothers?"

"Yes."

"Did they look at you in another way? Some of them made you felt uncomfortable? Tell me and I will speak now with them!"

"No, no Kadaj…Hush…"

"Ok…but let me know if.."

"They never, Kadaj!"

"Even Sephiroth? "

"Especially Sephiroth! Humph, as if he would look at someone like me!"

"Tsk…Aeris?! Do you want my nissan looking at you?"

"Kadaj! You're making me feel dizzy with so many crazy questions. Noooo!"

"Hummm….Aeris…So why did you say that? 'Especially Sephiroth'!"

I heard a noise like if she was sitting at the couch and then sighing. Kadaj repeated the question.

"It's..it's because he's usualy is seen with gorgeous women, like actresses, models…You know, bombshells! He likes this kind of women, not girls like me. So, it's better cover my thin legs. Speaking about him…I have to tell you something…Rufus showed me the pics." "What pics?"

"That pics! The crash and the nightclub…"

"Wow! Did you see its? Tell me Aeris please!"

"You didn't ?!"

"Noooo!, Mother vanished with it. No one saw it, perhaps Loz…surely he wouldn't tell me. So, how it was like?"

They spoke in a low tone, but I could heard the excitement on Kadaj's and Aeris's voice. Sometimes Kadaj's giggles were muffled as if he was covering his mouth with hands.

"General was just in his trousers, bare chest surrounded by beauty rent girls, Genesis, Angeal, Zach and the minor Rufus. Lot's of booze and mako-snow…But no one actually showed them using mako…But they were higher and the girls almost naked! Oh sorry Kadaj, but they looked so hot together…one of the pics had Sephiroth with his pants under his groin, part of his butt was in sight, and it was possible see a bit of his groin…

" Stop Aeris! He's my brother and you're not legal for him!"

" Oh really? And are you legal for…you know who?"

" Aeris! Please!"

" Uhn….Sorry."

" God..Mother should had worked hard…"

" Well, not so much, Mr Shinra owns the gossip magazines…Rufus is grounded till now, but guess what? His charm now risen from four to ten! The guys and girls thinks he's cool now, because he was in a booze party with your brother and his friends."

"No kidding! So it's not a secret anymore? Oh God, I hope it's not going to injury my brother or I would kill the living lights of Rufus!"

"Oh still Kadaj. Nothing could harm your brother. He is…Sephiroth Jenova! It's still a secret for the public and it will be forever! Sometimes you seems to forget who owns this town… This prove my theory about your brother and beauty women. Don't you think ?"

"I think he's a helium head sometimes and hey, don't give him the chance, ok? You're pretty and he is a stallion."

"Oh my dear ! Thank you but I 'm sure he won't be for me. I had never kissed!"

"It's because you didn't find a true love, someone that could mess you from inside!"

" I see…and you have found out hun?"

They chuckled and I was too startled with the statement that she never had kissed before…She was totally pure. Provocative, sassy but under that mask which played with me to not enter at her room with an odd game, there was a virgin girl. I opened the door the exactly moment they were walking out of the room. Kadaj stiffened and I noticed him a little bit more pale than usual when he hugged me and kissed my cheek and she gave me a nod in greeting. I couldn't help to delay my eyes on her, only to make her cheeks flushed. The words 'I never kissed' were waving inside my mind like a flashing spotlight. I shook my head and she smiled for me.

She was wearing a loose pink cotton dress, V neck, short sleeve and until her calf. I hate pink. Even in gorgeous women, as she said, but somehow, the color suited her. She looked fresh, innocent and covered like a nun. No words. She feared me. Perhaps because of Kadaj's kindness to show me as a monster for the girl. When they passed through the door, I felt her flowered scent. She turned her head to me and smiled with her hazel eyes. Not her lips, but her eyes.

It started that day. Maybe it was the dialogue that I heard, maybe her flower scent, maybe those hazel eyes. The first day that I had met her I was tense, suspecting of Kadaj's envolvement with Cloud Strife. I came back to the house that I had dropped him and she was there in front of her room's door.

I was polite despite of my lack of patience. But she was…intriguing. I was close to burst the door of her room out to catch Kadaj doing something bad, but he was not. I was paranoic. I don't want a rebel by the side of my brother and I was having bad feeling about Kadaj and this Cloud Strife. Feelings that I don't want to pay attention. All of this was on my mind, besides my already inner troubles and this girl made its vanished away for some seconds. For some seconds I felt myself back to my teen ages.

I smirked when she said that I was not allowed to enter at her room to know all her girl's secrets without a magic word. How in the name of Gaia, someone at his reasonable mind would say this for me!?

" It's a common fact for you General, but it's not common for me, to let all the secrets of my room uncovered for your eyes. You will scare my teddy bears and dolls…You will scare me with your imposing figure and your beautiness. And how a man like you don't know this? A girl's room is her secrecy place. You can't conquer it without a magic word. Can you?"

" I just want to see Kadaj, Miss Gainsborough."

" Magic word Mr General …"

" But what is that? I don't have time for this! Please Miss Gainsbourough or I will call your mother. It's clear to me that you and Kadaj are are up to something wrong in there"

And then, suddenly she opened the door. I don't know why but while she spoke we was looking straight at my eyes and I couldn't avoid her. She wasn't a genius of the rhetoric but her speech touched me. Her body motions, brave around me, defending her place and her friend from an intruder.

" You said…I knew a man like you would know this word, though I felt that I was blessed today. Please. You're welcome now General. I humbly open the door of my secrets for you noble general…"

I frowned and I couldn't help the thin curve of a smile that came up on my lips. I was the blessed one on that day. Now I know this.

One month later, she appeared at my at home office with a white card with golden letters. It was an invitation for her seventeen's party. She said to me that she wanted to give it personaly as an apologize for her bad moods at our first encounter. I watched her, standing in front of my huge desk, wearing pink again, dressed like a doll with gloves and laces. I offered her a drink, my dirty mind never stops…She politely refused and exthended to me with both hands her invitation.

" It would be a honor for me have your presence General."

" I would be honored to be there."

I wanted this girl and when I saw her and Kadaj coming out of my office and childishly talking about details of the party, I felt miserable.  
I would never get near as much innocence. And if I ever did, I would never forgive me for taint the purity that girl was carrying, almost throwing in my face how much I was inadequate for her. Dirty. So, I closed my thoughts about her and supressed the feelings that I was scared to have. And more, I could hurt my baby brother with this, perhaps Kadaj was in love by Aeris. Actually I was almost praying for this.

The party day came and all the family went there, I was with Mother, Loz and Yazoo. Kadaj already was there helping Aeris. The house was crowded with the Midgar's jet set as it was expected. I wouldn't stay longer and as soon I would give the congratulations for Aeris I would get out. Thus, I found her alone in one of the livings, she looked weary and when she noticed my presence she straightened his body and her dress. She was wearing red. She was gorgeous. But I rather like her in pink…Fuck…what was going on my mind was what I was thinking when I kissed her hand and she blushed. I gave her my gift.

"I hope you like it, Miss Gainsbourg."

"Thank you sir. You didn't need to bother General!"

"Don't open now and when you'll do it, do it alone."

" Uhn, Ahn…I'm sorry I'm a little silly today…"

" Do as I said. That's all."

" Yes, Sir. Are you leaving so soon?"

" Yes, I have to."

She frowned and made an upset face while I stood up and walked towards the exit. She acompained me. When she was about to climb the stairs with the little box that I had given in her hands, and called her name. Her first name, not how I usualy do. She tilted her body, a little afraid, but curious.

" Happy birthday Aeris."

"T-Thank you General."

"Sephiroth."

"Sephiroth…"

She opened a wide smile at me and she rolled my name over her mouth. I felt peace when I heard her saying my name. I felt…right. As it should be.

Days later we met again, I dropped Kadaj there and this time I couldn't lie to myself that I was doing this because I was afraid of Kadaj with Cloud. I wanted to see her. She ran the stairs to open the door for us and I saw. With a wide smile and blushed face she kissed Kadaj and stared at me with her dainty hand on her chest. She was wearing the gold necklace with a pendant in the shape of medieval key I had given him.

I smiled at her and I noticed Kadaj's intrigued eyes at me.

In that same night, Kadaj went to my office at home. He sat in the leather couch and stared at me. He was straight to the point as he always was and asked me why I had given a jewel to his friend. I said it was because she was a sweet girl and she was his best friend.

" Don't give more gifts to my friend. Aeris is a dreamer and she could misunderstand the things. And I'm sure you don't want more troubles…"

I froze at my spot. I asked if he was dating her and he denied. I tried to ask more, but Kadaj stood up and went to his room.

Fuck…


	9. Meeting Reno

Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII and I don't make money with this writing

A/N: Not beta and if you're one and feel touched to help a non native speaker...please you're welcome!

Chapter 9 - Meeting Reno

The clinic was one of the most expensive and exclusive in Wutai, where celebrities would cure their vices and neuroses, away from prying eyes. The security operation was perfect.  
At least I was spared by Mother to be hospitalized in Midgar. She was sparing herself too, in case of any paparazzi take notice that one of her sons had had a headcase.

The clinic's method was weird. They had quarters with different colours and meanings, each one describing for the pacient and the doctor the step of the treatment like white, blue, yellow, orange, red and violet. There was no black room. The colors were like degrees, if you had moved from one room's color to another it meant that you was doing well the therapy and medicine. They began with the white one. The last was the violet. I went till there. Some people dropped out the treatment in the orange or yellow. I had just passed from white to blue. I was progressing, said the doctor.

One day I was seated at the blue room, quietly waiting for another boring therapy session to attest to Mother and brothers that I was not a suicidal, when I noticed a skinny boy staring at me with narrow blue eyes. He looked like drunk or drugged. Perhaps he was both.

He was certainly more beaten than I was at this time. I don't have the habit to stare at anyone, but from times to times, through my bangs, I glanced at the boy and he was there, looking at me as if he was in a trance. I was getting nervous with that annoyance look at my arm, still with the huge bandaged.

I crossed my arms trying to cover the wound in vain. I was not allowed to wear long sleeves. Not even if I was feeling cold. They would give me a cap, gloves and scarfs. Long sleeves never.

I was not feeling well that day. Definitely I was in a very bad mood, aggressive and depressive at the same time. I had been locked in the clinic there was two weeks. Loz was calling me every day, though he couldn't come to pay me a visit. Family were not allowed to visit during the first "steps". I was really bad…and into the first steps…And the brat was staring at me.

"Excuse, do you know me?"

"Silver, silver, …"

"Hey, please stop to stare at me."

"Drugs, yo?"

"What?"

"I said …you're here cuz drugs?"

"No!"

"Hum…"

He certainly was. That junkie look and wreck posture leaned at the couch as if it was a bed…I didn't want to make any eye contact with him, to not cause the impression that I wanted to talk. But again he spoke, this time adjusting himself and his awful woollen black cap that covered all his hair and forehead. He stared again at me, this time scrutinizing me with those blue eyes. He had pretty eyes, though surrounded by dark circles and an oddly red tatoo. Thin lips. I couldn't see his hair but he was certainly red because of his skin's color and eyebrows.

"Hey yo…from Aeris…yeah…"

"What?"

"Are you deaf or something?"

"Are you retard or something?"

"What a huff, yo…There's some people who become deaf here, dig it? Did you came from the red room? Why do you are shaking your legs like that? Oh…Ritaline? It makes me feel weird too..It's ok…I know how this shit is."

I sighed and covered my face with my hands. The last session was hard and I didn't know what I should expect with the next one. I didn't mean to be rude and after deeply breathing I tilted my head for the brat.

"S-sorry. I didn't understand you. What you did say?"

"I think I know you from 're from Midgar, don't you?"

"Do you know Aeris Gainsbourgh? "

"Yeah…she's my angel yo…she helped me with this stuff… My angel..."

I knew Aeris and her family very well and I doubted her parents would let her only daughter dating a guy like that one. I tried to focus on his face but nothing was coming up to my mind. I didn't know him. He was probably lieing to me. Addicted people lie to get their intent. I usually am a suspicious person, just imagine in that condition.

"She's my palm ,yo. The only and best that I have…"

" Palm? I don't think we're talking about the same person."

"Yeap…You're one of the silver guys…I know the other…Raj? The hot one…"

"What ? From where do you think that you know me? I'm not even believe that you know Aeris."

"Why? Because I'm here. You're here too…and you are hot too. Don't be jealous…"

"If you're trying to know more about me to gossip for your people, you're wasting your time. Yo."

"Fuck, yo…you're taking the ritaline, don't you? This shit turns everyone into paranoid and stuff…tons of ritaline would bound to hurt you…burns your brains…BOOM!"

"I'm not paranoid. It's only the fact that I don't see you and Aeris in the same social circle. I know her, and her family wouldn't agree with this."

"Hey! You're hurting my feelings, yo… You really should go to the red room, dig it? It helps to let it go the anger and the bad…"

"Oh my god…why don't you shut up?"

"Tight-ass…."

I was getting so anxious with that conversation that I stood up to change my appointment for another time. I was not in the mood and he was talking like a broken recorder and he followed my steps. I didn't dare to look at his face.

"What's your name silver boy? You're a little flushed…"

"Why do you are following me?"

"Why do you're here?"

"None of your business."

"Red one! You're really upthight uhn silver boy?

"Oh please stop that! I'm not feeling well."

"Ok…Don't puke on me, ok?"

I went to the nurse desk and the boy went back to the couch. He was afraid of me puking over him. I really was in a nutty farm…

"Nurse? I want to schedule my session for another time."

"I'm sorry. The sessions are not allowed to change. Please wait , the doctor will see you in a few minutes."

"I do believe it's must be possible change it! I'm not a prisioner! And my Mother is spending a huge amount of money here! Do it. Now or I 'll leave this place."

"I'm sorry but you'll have to be patient. So, please go back and sit down."

I was furious. Tired. Helpless. I walked back towards the couch and sat at the other side of the room. I didn't want to look at the boy, but I heard an annoyed grin coming from his side. He was laying in the other couch in front of me, staring at the ceiling.

"World isn't fair uhn silver boy? Do you think money worth something here in that funny farm? We're nuts baby…even the la-di-da rich boys…like you are: _I want it and I want it know, Oooh, you're not from our circle_".

He teased and mocked me with a strangled thin voice, imitating a pedantic person speaking.

"Shut up!"

"Say it again and I 'll kick you ass. Fucking mother fucker! Do you really think that you're someone here? I'm pissed off with blokes like you! You're fucking nothing…just a fucking suicidal…"

When you're under strong medications, the mood swift changes from sadness to rage.

I was in rage and I didn't notice when I jumped out from my spot at the couch to grip the boy's arm. I shook him as if he was a rag doll. He definitly was drugged because if he was not he would probably knock me out. I threatened him to shut up or I would cut his face. Bad choice of words... He glared at me and with an expressionless face, he lowered his narrow eyes to my arm.

"Yeah, yeah…I see…cut…troubles with the cutlery? Let me guess…no, it was an accident…the fork followed you…hehe! Hahaha…an army of forks and knive and…plates! But all in silver!"

"Fucking head…"

"Yazoo Jenova? Stop!"

I already had my hands twisting the boy's neck , when the nurse had called my name and two other nurses ran to lift me and to pull me out of the boy's neck. I heard when he said it, in a louder voice, still laughing at my face, while the nurses dragged me to doctor's office

" Hey, I forgive you, poor fucking suicidal". And he laughed again, lost inside his mental image of forks and knives running after me.

Again my mood changed from rage into sadness. He was right. I had the best session since that I had arrived at the clinic. The brat, without know, had helped me to get out of my madness. I had admited to myself that I was desperate looking for acceptation, for love, for attention, for freedom to live whatever I wanted without feel myself so miserable.

The brotherly bonds that Mother obliged us to feel for each other and refused to see, that we, her children, didn't have. Not in the way that Mother wanted. I saw many things that I was not prepared to see, but in somehow I needed didn't want her power, only her love and presence at home. In the beginning of the therapy I was hating Mother with all my heart. I was hating the way she punished us with her absence, I was hating the fact that she had absently minded avoided us to have a father. That was why I became so close to Loz and Sephy of Kadaj. For God's sake, Sephy was Kadaj's brother not his father! And every time something went wrong with Kadaj who was punished as a child was Sephy. And in a good part of our childhood, Sephy had done the same with Loz! I doubt that my big brother could see this as I am. Oh Mother's demands, always forcing us to be the best of the school, the bet of the army, the best of the damn planet. I was hating her with all my being and inside the red room I shouted and cried my pain. In one of the sessions, she was there.

She cried when I said that not even punishing myself made her stop and look at me. Look at us. I was almost splitting on her face my incestual love by Loz. I threw on her face all the guilt that she owned by our failures. She held me tight and didn't refuse none harshly word that I had madly shouted at her. She just snuggled me and silently cried, the noise of her golden bracelets tinkling on my ears, while she stroked my hair.

I understand Mother now. We had a long journey inside that clinic in Wutai.

She was more tired than I thought. She was alone, nurturing children to inherit her power and keeping her secrets inside her core. I talked to her and she told me about our origins and about her particular view of life, planet, cells, power, family and us. She talked to me and called us her jewels. She said me how much she love us. How much she wanted for us a good life, to have things that she never had had, like a family. Like love and bond. When I got out of the clinic I had two things on my mind, close my link with Loz and be happy. Oh, and stop to kill myself bit by bit.

That brat…

I never saw him again. I didn't know his name and the nurses and doctors didn't had tell me. Surely they wouldn't , I almost strangled the boy at that afternoon. And I didn't want to ask to Aeris, if she had some friend on a rehab clinic in Wutai. Besides me… But he knew my name. Years later we meet again.

If he remembered me, he didn't say it. Neither do I.

Reno.

After our experience at a nutty farm, even that we hadn't spoken a word about that, it was easy for us to be friends.


End file.
